I Didn’t Get the Opportunity, I Am Dark by Tara Marie Jack

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When you think about self love, what does that look like? Or better yet, how does that FEEEELLL to you? What I have learned is that we really need to feel to know or bring forth a new belief. New beliefs inspire new creativity in our lives. When we adopt new healthy beliefs, we release old negative ones that we can end up circling around and around in; creating unwanted dramas and chaos in our lives.

Most recently, I was interviewed for an upcoming radio show to discuss self love and what that meant to me. Whats funny is that normally, I would say something like this “Self Love is about self care, loving affirmations and being kind and compassionate to yourself.” And to my surprise, something completely opposite came out of my mouth and into the phone, which went something like this “The true essence of loving yourself is about clearly and lovingly taking inventory of yourself and the relationships you have which are unhealthy. Once you have done this, you decide to move head on with accountability to face these obstacles therefore you can truly step into your power and truly create the desired state that you so deserve to live in.”

So what does all this ramble mean? Lets take a look at this shall we? Self help is the number one growing business in the United States. Okay. It is taking the first step to healing to create a better life for ourselves, right? Stay with me on this. I myself, have spent many hours, and a shit load of money to my self help journey. I have gained a TON of awareness around past pains, lack of self worth, triggers and self love. We are also taught on our self awareness journey not to look at the negatives of life & throw out negative thoughts, etc. So I think we get this stigma that negativity is our enemy, the darkness right? So we avoid it like the plague, not facing the darkness within ourselves. ALMOST ALL OF US HAVE A DARK SHADOW!! It is this darkness within which drives us to look for the Light, but if we don’t embrace our darkness, we stuff that shit down, down, down which begins as guilt and later becomes the dark monster of Shame!!!

Shame is such an ugly monster that we allow to live and breath in our lives all the while ignoring her as we walk through our journey towards love and light. Then suddenly, she pops in completely and totally uninvited – just like a sales rep ringing your doorbell in the middle of your coconut milk, lavender, himalayan negative energy repair bath. Suddenly, you find yourself in the middle of a nasty conflict with one of your spiritual buddies, soul sisters, coworkers, or even the person that cuts you off in line at the grocery store. Things are suddenly said, anger is at the forefront, finding yourself in a reactionary explosion. Afterwards, you are lost, you are sad, confused and can find yourself in a tailspin of even more guilt and shame.

Are you starting to relate?

Next you are baffled, how did this happen? How did I create this experience? I have been staying positive, working out, eating right, journaling, meditating, praying, calling forth my angels. Does this sound all too familiar?

While all the mantras and ritual routines are beautiful enhancements in our lives, and do have such a beautiful impact in our lives. Its the darkness, which I believe that we house within our temples that are the absolute thing to face head on to really accomplish our path to healing. THIS is where the unhealthy relationships begin and when I say relationships, I am not just referring to your relationships with people, its our relationships with everything!! For example, it may be your relationship with food, money, organization, procrastination, basically anything that you may feel resistance to is an unhealthy relationship. Take a moment to look at this, an easy way is to write a list of things that make you happy, and things in your life that make you unhappy. The items that make you unhappy, usually are the things that have a lifetime trigger and create a source of the shame within. I will give you an example from my own inner awareness. My relationship with money, I have always spent my money freely, without ever taking consideration of savings, retirement or emergency fund. I recently had the awareness that when I was young my mother always gave me money to compensate for love thus creating a rebellion within me which grew lack of respect for money. So, as I got older, I started to at first feel guilty about my spending habits which then grew into a feeling of shame about how I handle money, which translates to I am bad, also a childhood belief. When all the while, its the little girl in me that just wanted her mother to really and truly love her, thats all it really is. And yet, it has manifested into a darkness within me. So as I begin to heal this for myself, I begin to heal my relationship with money.

I invite you to look at any resisting relationships you may have and take the time to go deep to find where the resisting energy stems from and thats the root that needs to be healed. This is where you really gain freedom, you take your power back my friends, for to just try to heal the surface wound, another source of resistance is sure to pop up. This my friends, is when you really can come into full circle and harness the self love power within your life.

The true essence of loving yourself, is an acceptance of the darkness more than the light. The light is easy. In the light, is the space where we feel warm and good about ourselves, this is where our true self comes through, shining our bright light. WE ALL HAVE BRIGHT LIGHT, and we came here to shine!

“That which is in the dark always comes to the light, and then becomes the light.” (a card I pulled recently in passing of a basket of cards).
I was stopped in my tracks when I read these words, I didn’t even have to write the words down to remember or snap a pic, it was like I created these words for me to read at that exact moment. When we consider this and ponder these words and dig deep down to understand this, we allow ourselves to be on an expanded consciousness level. We then give our self the opportunity to embrace the bond between our true self and our dark self, which creates an alignment to true self love. It is in our darkest of moments within our journey that serves a catalyst to reach for the light. It is in the darkest of moments that we can conjure change which builds us to be stronger, wiser and more apathetic to ourselves and to one another. We all have our own paths where we walk in our own shoes that creates our very own foot prints in the sand.

It is in our darkness where we learn our lessons and our stories.

I am dark and I am light. I have reached extreme lows and extreme highs. I have also learned that stepping into the light is where I feel airy and bright while in the dark it feels dense and heavy. Yet, this my friends is where I turned from a caterpillar and into a butterfly, spreading my expanded wings full of beauty and wonder, free from the cocoon of shame.

Are you ready to spread your wings of freedom? I know that is what I want, to fly beautifully FREE!!

By the way, I didn’t get the interview but I did gain something much more valuable. I have gained great awareness on how to embrace and love that dark shadow that lies dormant within me, always looking for an opportunity to come forth. And from this experience, I am truly in gratitude right now full of Self Love for the whole Me!!! I am able to accept and love every part of me and look forward to fully discover the dark goddess shadow that lives within me, for thats where all the answers lie to free me from the shackles of my own lack of self worth.

I leave you with this message:
Become your own Jedi, your own Vader and your very own Guru, Yoda and “May the Force Be With You.”

I would love to hear your relationship with self love, loving your darkness and being free.

With much love, light and many blessings,
Tara Marie Jack

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